Are we really out of diapers? How could I have forgotten to put that on my shopping list? These are questions I asked my husband late one evening. We had no choice but to head to Wal-Mart. What we didn’t know was that the Lord was directing our path so we would discover a secret meeting. He took us right by a deacon’s office where we observed a gathering of a few church members. What was this combination of people doing so late at night in a public building that had been closed for over 3 hours? It was later revealed that they were discussing my husband, and it cut to the heart. One of the vehicles belonged to a deacon whose family we had just taken a meal to the week before. Talk about surprised! I once read a statement from a minister’s wife who said “I didn’t even know we had any dragons in our church, and then I returned home from a conference to find them camped on our doorstep.” She was referring to a book entitled Well-Intentioned Dragons: Ministering to Problem People in the Church by Marshall Shelley. I can relate! I would venture to make a guess that at some point in ministry, you have had to deal with some “dragons” as well, whether they snuck up on you or attacked with ferocity. Some of these people undoubtedly feel that they are doing the right thing, while others’ motives are questionable. Although it is not a topic that we like to focus on, unfortunately circumstances arise that wound us. Whether the situation involves people of the congregation, students, parents, or other staff members, the experience can be extremely painful. I believe the hardest things I’ve ever had to go through have dealt with conflict regarding our ministry. I am not sure if the intense hurt is a result of taking harsh criticism for something we have poured our whole life into, or maybe it is just so difficult to swallow the attacks from people you deemed godly brothers and sisters in Christ.
Unfortunately, my husband and I have our share of scars. Some are big, some have faded, and some still seem like an open wound at times. I can remember feeling a whirlwind of emotions from these occasions. My initial reaction was often one of shock, as I did not realize anything was going on. People have gotten offended from things we have done or said and become bitter about it, and the whole time we have never known there was even a problem!
Other times I can remember a feeling of pain and ultimate betrayal as we would discover some who we deemed our closest friends had become our biggest critic. We had a friend who was starting a Saturday night worship service in a vacant building on the square for anyone in the community who wanted to get together with other believers and worship. It was supposed to be especially refreshing for any ministers who wanted to come because ministers are always the ones who have to do the preaching. It was going to be on Saturday nights so that it would not interfere with any Sunday services. Our friend asked my husband to help with the music. In the early idea stages, a few deacons were informed of the potential service. Because it was not going to be held at our church or under our church’s leadership, my husband was banned from attending by the pastor. I really had to battle this in my heart. I thought we were about the Kingdom, not the church empire! One of the deacon’s who really pushed for my husband to be forbidden to attend was angry because he was not one of the “first” to know about the service idea. Out of bitterness and malice over something so small, he began to rally against him and spread false statements about what Mikey was teaching to other parents. Praise God some of those parents came to us so that we were aware of these attempts! This was the same man whose family we had poured abundant time, financial support, and prayer into the previous year because of hard, desperate times in their lives. Dishonesty, deceit, and conspiracy among Christians were actions I could not comprehend. I slowly began to realize the more work you begin to do for the Kingdom, the harder Satan attacks. It can come in any form, even church members or staff.
Those feelings of hurt I harbored would later dissolve into anger and resentment. I am not saying that was the right attitude but I am just being honest. Even though my husband more often has been the direct target because he was the one on staff, I think sometimes it is harder to stand by and see the pain that he is experiencing. I believe that we are one in Christ, therefore, when Mikey hurts, I hurt. I saw the ministry as ours together, so if it was under scrutiny, I was affected as well. In the flesh, I always want to do something to get justice or set someone straight. This is especially true when I feel that the dragon is self-seeking or flat out deceitful. Don’t get me wrong. There are occasions when my husband and I have erred in ministry. We are human. Sometimes the complaints have been justified or even petty enough to make us laugh. In those cases, the best thing to do is take responsibility, apologize, and ask for forgiveness in KINDNESS. If they forgive you, then a relationship is restored. If they don’t, then pray diligently for them about the matter, but move on with the Lord’s work.
However, the dragons that catch me blind-sided and stunned by false accusations and betrayals are the ones that wage war in my mind and spirit. So what are we supposed to do in these situations when we feel absolutely helpless and discouraged? I know the phrase “let the Lord fight your battles for you” is always the advice I have heard. That is not what I wanted to hear in the midst of heartache because I wanted something done right then to bring justice. During a tough time my husband recorded some conversations because he suspected trouble. Sure enough, later someone misconstrued what was said. I wanted him to go play those tapes so bad! I have convinced myself numerous times that we could take the situation in our own hands and…even “win”!
As desperately as I have wanted to see combative action, I have finally learned to relinquish it from my hands into the Lord’s. Like many of us, I would often give it to God and then take it back again. There is no peace in that. In one of the last struggles we faced, a lady gave me a book entitled…..It referred to Jesus when He was on trial. Though the crowds hurled ridiculous insults at him, he humbly responded in silence! Mark 14:61 says, “But Jesus remained silent and gave no answer.” He had all the power, the knowledge, the innocence, and the proof to combat any accusations, yet He did not try to fight back. In fact, when Peter tried to defend Jesus in the garden as He was arrested, Jesus told him to put back his sword. This was a revelation to me. The world and flesh were saying go on the offense, but the Word and the Spirit inside of us convinced us to give it to our Father.
Peace finally comes when we rest in the Lord. Turmoil can be brewing around you but find calmness in the presence of God. Remain transparent, but don’t feel as if you have to seek out opportunities to solve the problem by your own strength. If someone questions you, answer honestly without breaking any oaths of confidentiality, but give the Lord opportunity to work. We get in God’s way so many times because we have our idea of how situations should be handled. Several scriptures such as “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” Mark 11:28 have been inspiration to me in times of distress. My favorite is James 1: 2-4, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” Your trials may not be the same as my trials in details, but no doubt you still face them. As contradictory to human nature as it may seem, try to view them as joyful refining fires. In the midst of them it seems dark going through, but on the other side growth, maturity, and blessing await. I can remember singing the praise song “I’m trading my sorrows, I’m trading my pain, I’m laying them down for the joy of the Lord!” Then one verse says “I am pressed but not crushed, persecuted not abandoned, struck down, but not destroyed”. These lyrics come straight from scripture, and though it is an older worship song, it spoke volumes to my heart. I have commented to my husband several times after a painful trial that we should send them a thank-you note! Once we reach the other side, we have seen how much better off we are without fail in EVERY instance.
When you reach a point of truly letting go, I can honestly say you are no longer concerned with whether or not the offender “gets what he/she deserves” in our eyes. In fact, the Word instructs us in Romans 12:18-21, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: It is mine to avenge, I will repay, says the Lord. On the contrary, if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” Don’t get me wrong, the Lord will discipline. Almost exactly a year later, the deacon who hosted the secret meeting in his office late that night, lost his job. He is no longer even in that office. We have personally seen the Lord repay, even fearfully to the point of death. We do not wish that upon anybody because ultimately repentance is the goal. This can only be brought about by conviction from the Holy Spirit, and interference from us by worldly reactions hinders this result. Instead overcome evil with being Christ-like to all, including those who persecute you. Ask the Lord to give you the strength to take off your cape, lay down your spear, and allow him to slay your dragons.